How Australia's men were sucked into The Bachelor
MILLIONS of Australians have been sucked into the salacious soap opera that is The Bachelor.
No doubt tonight's 7PM Project will score big time with the channel keeping "exclusive interviews" with Blake Garvey and his now-jilted fiancée Sam Frost.
Woman's Day will also be pimping the interviews in print later in the week I gather.
But it's not just Australia's women who are being sucked in. Judging by the constant office banter for the past few days, it's also the men.
So why are men being drawn into all the rose ceremonies and cocktail parties?
The Bachelor was living the dream
Or at least he was until it all fell apart after the finale.
It's the classic male fantasy of having a room of women fawning over you, laughing at your jokes and giving you the ol' hair flip.
If you're nostalgic about those foggy (or non-existent) times when a beautiful woman gave you the eyes and flicked her hair at you, it's not so hard to project yourself into the position of Mr Garvey.
It's even easier given he speaks only in vague clichés.
The show is almost entirely made up of beauties.
We're talking about a show with 25 attractive women who climb into something particularly tight and/or short for the group date or eviction party.
What an awful thing to watch, right?
They are the easiest brownie points you'll ever earn.
Watching it with your wife, girlfriend or lover?
Just by making the occasional jokey comment about "the psycho one" or "the one that seems dim", you're earning brownie points.
Throw in a "God I'm glad I don't have to date anymore" to your beloved and you've just levelled up.
WE see ourselves (and others we know) in the Bachelor
Bachelor Beige and his merry gaggle of potential brides is not a search for love, it's basically a twisted version of that guy every man knew/knows with girls all over town, lying to each of them in turn.
For the men watching, we have seen these tricks used by our friends, perhaps we even used them ourselves.
We're amazed to see them work on national television. It's enthralling.
Like watching slow motion footage of a fish swallowing the bait before being ripped from the water.
Sure he hooked up with your friend but... "We have a connection. Don't you feel that?".
Really? That was all he had to do? You don't think maybe he's saying that to all the other girls?
After work, it allows your brain to turn to happy mush.
After a day of toil, there are few things like daydreaming about having access to even a touch of the crazy adventures .
Mr Beige turns out each week. Helicopters, super yachts, orchestras on the beach.
All the things that would be a great surprise for your lover if you lived in a different world, one with money.
As it stands, she'll have to live with the Parma I'm whipping up
Finally: Laughing at someone's misery. (His not hers)
Poor Mr Bachelor in his well-tailored suit. He has all these beautiful blondes and brunettes but he also has all their battiness.
These women -- by choice mind you -- are locked up like battery chooks then unleashed upon our tall, dark and boring Bachelor.
No one wants to have that talk about "where we are going" in the first few weeks of dating.
Our boy wonder seems to have that every week.
All those narrowed eyes, flared nostrils and tears. If ever there was a reason to keep polygamy outlawed, this is the case study.
Jeez, he was an absolute tool wasn't he?